CHICAGO PREMIERE SPARKS MEANINGFUL DIALOGUE
Well, there is only one screening of OUT OF FAITH left--tonight! It's our College and Young Professional Night. We are expecting a packed house, so get there early and stay afterwards to enjoy a lively and meaningful dialogue. As you will see from the comments here, we discuss just about anything.
posted by L. Mark DeAngelis | 10:32 PM
10 Comments:
I attended the premiere of the film last night at the Gene Siskel Film Center. I enjoyed the film and Leah and Lazer reminded me of my grandparents very much. In fact, I believe that my grandparents were buried at the same place as leah (If that was Shalom Memorial Park in the film). On it's own, Leah's death was heartbreaking and abrupt in the film. With the thought that my own grandmother had just died several months before made it more difficult to watch. Watching Leah's funeral was like reliving my grandmother's and it was very difficult. Though my grandmother herself was not a Holocaust survivor, my grandfather was and the resemblances to the couple in the film were certainly there. My grandfather, or "papa" as we called him, was similar to Lazer in that he didn't really like to talk about his experiences at Buchenwald (or in the ghetto where he was a "janitor," [cleaning up bodies]). He had opportunities to speak for TV specials, articles, and events, but was never interested. I appreciate people like Leah opening up so this history and information is not lost.
I suppose another connection I have to the film, is that my father grew up in an Irish-Catholic family, while my mother grew up Jewish. At the beginning my grandparents were not keen on her marrying a Catholic man, but she was not the first, as her sister before had done just the same. My grandma, until the day she died, however, maintained that she "would not trade her two sons-in-law" for the world. I believe they felt the same way about their mother-in-law. My parents have been married for almost 28 years and are the happiest couple I know. Where religion is concerned, we are sure to celebrate all of the holidays, Catholic or Jewish. Currently, I have a 100% Jewish boyfriend whose mother is studying to be a Rabbi. We have discussed religion and if we are to have children, they will be raised Jewish. This is per his request, but I have absolutely no qualms about this (however, raising them Christian, regardless of who I marry, would probably not be a possibility). So in conclusion, the subject of this film has been an ever-present dialogue in my family, but we couldn't be happier.
I do have a couple of questions: At what camps was Lazer located at? I don't believe it was discussed in the film (since it was primarily about Leah), but if so, I missed it. I was also curious if Mark had any familial connections to the Holocaust, if any of his relatives were any camps?
Regardless of how Leah's opinions coincided with mine, I fell in love with her in the film and the film as a whole was great and very moving.
Shaina:
Thank you so much for taking the time to post your thoughts about the film. It means a great deal to me when people take time out of their busy lives to contribute.
You say that your mother was raised Jewish, so I assume given who your grandparents were that she was Jewish. I am not missing anything am I? :-)
In which case, I think you should marry your boyfriend and start having Jewish babies. :-) Although I don't believe in living in the past, we certainly have some making up to do for all who were taken from us. Besides, as a daddy of two (a 3 and 2 year old, and Bezrat Hashem another in a month), I can tell you no matter how much people tell you that you will never know the joy of children until you actually have your own, it is true. You will never know until you have your own.
Lazer was at Auschwitz/Birkenau as well. His story is phenomenal and we hope to be able to tell it on an expanded DVD version some time in teh future if we can raise the funds of course! :-)
And, B'H, none of my family (at least that I know of) were in the death camps. My family came from Russia in the 1880s to escape pogroms. I always tell people, thank G-d for Russian anti-Semitism.
I am thrilled you enjoyed the film--GET ALL YOUR FRIENDS TO COME THIS WEEK. :-) And let me know when you get married!
I saw the film last night with Shaina7213, my sister, and was very moved. I will certainly tell all my friends to see it.
One question, though: Based on the discussion following the film last night, I got the impression that you were encouraging Jews to marry other Jews. Shaina and I have a Catholic father, so shouldn't her boyfriend actually be marrying a woman with two Jewish parents? We've both led very secular lives since childhood. For her boyfriend's family, wouldn't a marriage with Shaina actually be an interfaith marriage?
I also noticed on another posting on this blog that you referred to marrying outside the faith as focusing on one's own gratification and "happiness", as you put it. Do you have any concerns about a percentage of the Jewish community leading unfulfulling family lives because they chose to marry a Jew over a gentile they truly love? Sure, the children will be Jewish, but the consequences of growing up in a household where parents are not in love would seem to outweigh the "consequences" of having secular children. A community full of grumpy Jews wondering what could have been does not sound ideal to me.
Dear Liz:
Thank you for feeling comfortable enough to share your thoughts about the film and a bit of your your own life.
Quite frankly, although I do follow traditional Jewish law on the question of "Who is a Jew?," I don't usually focus on this in post screening discussions. (I am usually content to discuss what the chances are of one's children or grandchildren self-identifying as Jewish. For let's be honest, if one does not think of oneself as Jewish, nothing else really matters.)
However, since you asked, you should know that even the most "frum" (i.e., traditionally observant) Jew accepts matrilineal descent; if your mother is Jewish you are Jewish. Therefore, no observant Jew would deem marrying your sister an intermarriage. If they are frum, or generally more religious, they might be concerned that she will not help your husband build a religious home because of her secularism, but they would never state that she was not Jewish (if they follow Jewish law).
Your second point is well-taken, but I am afraid indicative of a Hollywood induced notion of the nature of love and marriage. The "passion" in which movies and romance novels have conditioned us to believe has little to do with the reality of a committed life-long relationship. Our hearts are capable of creating passion with more than one person, so the mind should be consulted to make sure that the person with whom we wish to enter a lifelong bond shares our spiritual values. What could be more important?
Believe me, I had many relationships prior to starting down my path toward living a religious life. I fell in and out of "love" a dozen times, but as I look back on these relationships, I laugh at how silly and immature I was. I love my wife passionately, but I have built that passion on a strong foundation of shared values and a spiritual connection. To have done so otherwise, in reverse, would have been a disaster.
So, in sum, as I always say, if one does not care about the continuity of the Jewish people, and if one is convinced s/he never will, I cannot really say you should focus on marrying Jewish. However, if you care about the future of the Jewish people and what they bring to the world as Jews, the consequences for not doing so are dire.
Again, thank you so much for sharing. Please feel free to continue the dialogue if you are so inclined.
Best,
Mark
P.S. You can read more on my thoughts on the issue, if you have not had enough, :-), by googling "Deangelis" interfaithfamily.org.
Excellent point about the Hollywood-induced ideas about love and romance. I've often suspected that the feelings we've been told we're supposed to feel do not last past the two-year infatuation phase.
So what does Jewish law say about seeking "passion" outside of marriage? :) I'm sure more people would choose to marry within the faith if they were gauranteed a little more freedom in that department - with their spouse's consent, of course.
I'd like to edit my above statement that more people would marry within the faith to more people would get married in general. I don't think people refrain from marrying other Jews because they want to be free to seek out relationships with non-Jews. Loss of romantic freedom is a big deterrent to getting married, period(for me, at least). But I'd be willing to make Jewish babies within a marriage if I knew my personal liberty wasn't restricted.
Liz:
Now you are really getting out there! No offense, but you sound like a guy. :-) One of Judaism's greatest insights is that we are not free from animalistic tendencies. Rather, Judaism admits that this drive is a part of us and advises us to keep it in check in order to become holier people, i.e., closer to G-d. There is a lot written on this and I think you would be fascinated by it. Perhaps you should find a Rebbetzin with whom you could learn about this issue. If you'd like, I could help you find someone.
Mark,
I was at the screening of the film last night, and wanted to say that it was very well done and quite interesting. I am a family friend of the Welbels (on David's side) and really thought that the film captured the core of many of the family members and the central issue itself.
I do have one additional question, and that is:
While I am sure the motivation of the movie initially was simply to tell Leah Welbel's story (and concurrently that of her family), what do you see as the motivation for you now? Has it shifted? I sensed that at the discussion after the film the focus was more so on "the numbers" of the issue and trying to have Jews marry other Jews (I am by no means judging, just merely curious).
As you could probably sense from my name I was born in Israel (and speak Hebrew at home). I went to Solomon Schechter, and each of my older brothers has married a Jewish girl (one Israeli in fact). However, while I am extremely passionate about Israel and Judaism, I must say I simply don't concentrate on the issue the same way that it seems you (and many others do). I guess the best way I could sum it up is to say that before we are Jewish or Christian we are simply people, and therefore while everyone is so caught up with "the numbers" and keeping Judaism (or whatever religion alive) that they are missing the bigger picture.
(Not to oversimplify, but we are all human beings first and foremost, and lets figure out how to live together happily and peacefully. Wy does it have to be a zero sum game)? Whether or not we are capable of doing this is an entirely different issue, but to me it seems that most people don't even contemplate this issue, as they are so caught up with their own religion.
I would love to hear your thoughts on your project and the issue.
Again, I thought the film was excellent and I wish you continued success.
Sincerely,
Yoav Sharon
Thank you for taking the time to comment on the film. It means a great deal to us.
Let me begin by stating that the director's motivation and mine are a bit different. The director, Lisa Leeman, cares more about the universal themes of the film. She feels the story should motivate people to think about the costs of cultural assimilation, but also, about the impact estrangement and the cessation of communication has on families. For her, OUT OF FAITH has a more universalist message. I don't disagree, and our screenings have proved, that the film has broad appeal, but my main focus is on reaching irreligious and less affiliated Jews.
The numbers and demographic research I cite in my discussions with audiences merely drive home the point that we are losing Jews in droves. It is not the loss of "numbers" per se that upsets me, it is what this represents: the loss of Jewish souls. This only matters if you believe in G-d and that He gave us the Torah, OR that Judaism matters to the world for some other reason.
Quite frankly, those who focus on more universalist themes, such as a large part of our youth today, almost invariably lose their Jewish identity. So to answer your question directly, "No, I do not feel I am a "person" first and a Jew second. I am a Jew first and, as such, the manner in which I am to relate to the rest of humanity is defined in the Torah. This attitude freaks out secular and G-d optional Jews, but without the relationship with G-d, what's the point of being Jewish at all? If G-d is not at the center, then very little positive, and quite frankly much negative, comes from a tribalistic connection to any group.
Returning to the numbers, younger Jews dramatically reflect your assertion that we are members of the global family first, and Jews second. And these same Jews are being lost to Judaism. It is not surprising, for at the end of the day there is no difference between Secular humanism and Humanistic Judaism. They both basically state G-d is dead. I fear living in a world that believes G-d is either dead, or simply some fuzzy undefinable energy source out there in the ether.
I was really moved by this film, when I saw it last week! As a child of intermarriage, who decided to sway to the Jewish side.. I was pretty much crying on how real this is. I think this film can relate to people of all faiths, not just of the Jewish faith. I told at least another 20 people about the film, and how much it made me think about my life, and how I want to raise my kids.
Please do yourself a favor, and go see this film! :)
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